


san francisco!

by fated_addiction



Series: about last night (and every night after that) [2]
Category: K-pop, Korean Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, SM Entertainment | SMTown, So Nyuh Shi Dae | Girls' Generation, 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: Angst, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-22 19:12:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12488868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fated_addiction/pseuds/fated_addiction
Summary: it's not a layover; it's engine failure.Taeyeon panics a lot. Still.





	san francisco!

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo I have no idea. This was supposed to be a side story to [keep the light on](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12397524) because... well, because. Anyways, the idea of a side story sort of evolved into a universe with multiple side stories. Some might be connected, some might be multi-parters and longer. But I definitely have a couple more plan because I wouldn't be me if I didn't interject Jessica, Taeyeon, and their FEELINGS into anything I do.
> 
> I have no idea, guys. Sometimes, it just happens lol.

-

 

 

 

 

 

it's not a layover; it's _engine failure_.

or a metaphor. life is a mess. like _literally_. or mostly in a way that taeyeon has no desire to talk about. there's something about perspective when you almost die (it wasn't really _that_ dramatic) so she kind of pretends to hold onto that.

"i'm fine," she tells tiffany. maybe for the sixteenth time. probably for the sixteenth time. taeyeon looks around her hotel room. "i found a place to sleep. san francisco is a beautiful city. probably won't get to your place until tomorrow night."

"that's a lot," tiffany replies. yawns. the phone is muffled. taeyeon hears something like _there is no right way to say it_. recognizes yuri's voice. that's not the part that's surprising though. "jessica's on her way," tiffany says. taeyeon freezes. her mouth drops slightly. "yuri called her," tiffany says too. "you need food, you probably won't eat, and blah, blah, blah it's time."

taeyeon sighs. "it's two am."

"good thing _you_ got a hotel room," tiffany sing songs. 

perspective, taeyeon tells herself. then stops because what's really the point? somewhere in between she hangs up on tiffany and yuri. mostly their sleepy, co-existing laughter. because there is nothing worse than friends in love. so she keeps it simple. she's happy for them. sort of.

the mild panic does settle in though. followed by yuri's text of _she's in the elevator jjannnnggg!_ because responsibility or something. this is messy. it won't stop being messy probably. and there's no way to hide. which may be the worst part about all of this. she isn't ready. she isn't ready at all. whirling around, she looks at the room. her suitcase is still snapped shut. her shoes are folded by the bathroom door. she remembers having a sweatshirt. but it's shoved into her carryon bag. 

they would do this to her. tiffany and yuri. this smells more like tiffany. her best friend is always on a repair and rewind kick. settle her life, move through everyone else's. _jessica_ rings in her ears.

but the knock on the door is light.

"shit," taeyeon says. then louder again. " _shit_." her head feels a little light and she moves to the door. her gaze squeezes against the peephole.

jessica, she thinks.

" _shit_."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

but first:

yuri comes back from los angeles and wants lunch.

"i'm hungry," she complains. they pick a coffee shop next to taeyeon's place. there are sandwiches and it's quick.

taeyeon shrugs. "this was the only place i could think of."

yuri rolls her eyes. taeyeon is reminded of tiffany. kind of hates it. the idea is still new and strange in her head. she feels yuri on the cusp of a confession. not a heavy one. but enough so that picture is mostly this: yuri fidgeting, foot to foot, not quite meeting her gaze. her hair in her face.

this shouldn't surprise her. "it's a thing," yuri says. blurts. it mostly sounds like this, instead. without any recourse: "tiffany and i are doing things. together."

taeyeon snorts. yuri's face is red. she watches yuri groan too. clasp her hands over her face and ugh, she so does not want to know. she still awkwardly pats yuri on the shoulder. turns and smiles politely at the guy that is taking the order. mostly as girls generation's kim taeyeon.

"you don't need my approval."

yuri blinks. "i know," she mutters. she rubs the back of her neck. "it's too late anyway." yuri grabs the sandwiches from taeyeon. there are no empty tables. "it's kind of a thing," yuri repeats.

taeyeon shakes her head. smiles a little. leads the two of them outside to sit on a bench placed in front of the cafe. she recognizes the signs. there are plenty of them. they started years ago. when the room was smaller. when their fights were louder. she breaks off a piece of her sandwich. pops it into her mouth.

"she hasn't said anything," taeyeon murmurs. then she shrugs. mostly to herself. "i mean, she will eventually. i guess."

"she said you'd say that," yuri smiles. bites into her sandwich too.

"i'm not mad." taeyeon looks up. raises a hand to cover her eyes. there's no heavy sun; it seems like a good excuse. taeyeon fidgets. "what the two of you do is for you. and she's figuring her life out. we're all figuring our life out. but it's nice that you're doing things."

yuri flings a piece of lettuce at her. it's awkward; taeyeon laughs.

"you sound like a dad," yuri mutters.

"i'm not _trying_ to."

there's a wistfulness to yuri. taeyeon watches with knots in her stomach. she's smiling, but it's distant.

"i'm glad you're happy." taeyeon shrugs. "that's all i want for all of us."

instead: "we're hypocrites," yuri says quietly. comes out of the blue too. they watch people pass them by. in and out. _girls generation!_ taeyeon swallows. "tiffany also talked to jessica," yuri meets her gaze. "in fact, they've been talking for awhile."

"oh?"

yuri snorts. "try again?"

news is news. taeyeon isn't stupid either. everything whirls into a mess of facts and moments that she could straighten out in her head. she's done it before. jessica's name holds a lot of weight. even more so now. things are changing. again and maybe for good.

"i don't want to talk about jessica." taeyeon doesn't recognize the sound of her own voice. rushes. "i'm glad tiffany is talking to her. and that it's positive. and it's really gross in a cute way that you're doing the whole significant other thing where you take one for the team -"

yuri rolls her eyes. "i'm not though."

"you _are_ ," taeyeon insists. then pulls back. she doesn't like the way her own voice sounds. she sits straighter, sandwich forgotten. pulls at a joke instead. "don't do the thing where you try and set up the people around you. because that's gross. and love is dead."

yuri stares at her. expression unreadable. taeyeon holds her gaze. not fiercely, but mostly terrified that she is that transparent still. she means it though: she does not want to talk about jessica. she does not want to be in love. she does not want to even consider things like reunions. or old growing pains. 

it's still a while before yuri answers. fearlessly as always. everything else still feels a lot like jealousy to taeyeon.

yuri smiles. first. "whatever you say," she says.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jessica stares.

"heard you almost died," she says by way of greeting, steps through the door, and taeyeon is completely bewildered by her.

the hotel room suddenly smells like flowers. maybe subtle hints of vanilla. maybe taeyeon is making up in her head. jessica's mom likes vanilla in her perfume. she feels guilty. then she remembers: soojung's birthday and the two girls had made a quiet trip home.

"you didn't have to come," she says. blurts. or feels like she blurts. there's this edge in the back of her throat. guilt crawls harder into her stomach. "i mean, it's not like i didn't find a hotel. or you know, not die."

"congratulations," jessica snorts. 

she pulls out a bag from her side. unpacks an insane amount of food, side dishes included. jessica's mom is the only answer. taeyeon feels guilty and angry all over again. it's not sometimes; most times, she forgets that the rest of the world is also invested in their history. in hers.

"your mom didn't have to." taeyeon swallows. she ignores the eat! note written into a napkin. "seriously," she murmurs. "i'm only here for a night."

jessica shrugs. "you need to eat," she says. sounds bored. she shoves a fork into taeyeon's hand. then sits on the edge of the hotel bed.

they stare at each other.

she'd be a liar if she'd say she thought about this. a lot. those feelings have resurfaced too with everything that is happening. she got to tell tiffany that she loved her, seohyun that she was proud of her, and sooyoung, of course, that her choice was the right one. but jessica, _always_ jessica, is entirely too complicated to be grouped into those singular feelings. things never worked like that to begin with.

taeyeon sighs. takes a small bite of her food. "how long have you been talking to tiffany?" she asks. then winces.

"we had lunch." jessica looks amused. the corners of her mouth turn. "i was in la for business. we ran into each other at an event."

"was it nice?"

"lunch?" jessica shrugs, resting back on the bed with her palms. "i don't remember. we talked a lot though."

she doesn't offer the details. it's not like jessica to do so anyway. taeyeon swallows back her jealousy and leans against the desk that faces the bed. she takes in jessica this way. hiding behind the food. her hair is darker. her face seems brighter. taeyeon isn't stupid though; older and wiser has a lot of different meanings. she can clearly say to herself that jessica is beautiful. like really beautiful. beautiful in a way that catches her completely off-guard. and it's painful. painful because not being around her is sharp, palpable, and a reminder of a lot of things she's taken for granted.

"i think we've been set up."

taeyeon is startled out of her thoughts. "what?"

"i think we've been set up," jessica repeats. is amused. she even laughs a little. "i mean i don't think tiffany and yuri plotted engine failure. but they told me that i might have to take you in."

"you don't have to," taeyeon says quickly. her face is hot.

jessica's expression is unreadable. "i know. i don't have to do a lot of things."

so taeyeon eats. like actually eats. and she's grateful. she didn't realize how hungry she was. she migrates from the desk to a chair by the window. the plastic fork between her fingers feels a little funny.

"you know about tiffany and yuri?"

jessica laughs softly. "you know about them too," she answers.

"i'm going to see them," taeyeon continues. she puts down the container of food, breathing. her fingers press against her stomach. "or was," she murmurs. she feels shy. hates that.

"you're still going to," jessica points out.

taeyeon shrugs. "love is dead."

jessica laughs. like actually laughs. it's heartier, the sound. she seems just as surprised as taeyeon that she is laughing too.

"you're not that dark," jessica tells her. "stop trying to be."

"they're annoying," taeyeon mutters. she hides her face behind a hand.

"only because yuri always thought you were in love with tiffany." 

if it's a confession, it's ten years too late. ironically. and yuri has already told her so much. remember, nine girls have no secrets. she doesn't say anything to jessica. it feels pointless anyway.

"i'm not." taeyeon is firm. doesn't know where it comes from either. "i wasn't." she reaches for her fork again. "i have never been. for her, it's always been yuri."

a long time ago there were feelings. a sliver of feelings. mostly to hide from the larger ones, the ones that have haunted her for what feels like forever. these feelings take on jessica. hike straight onto the hospital bed. hold onto an insane amount of weight. just because. the point? if they were other people, taeyeon would brave enough to say it simply. _it was always you_.

"and besides," taeyeon takes a bite of her food again. "tiffany has never been the easiest to love either."

jessica turns her head. her hair pushes against her shoulders. she smiles wistfully; taeyeon feels her heart launch itself into her throat.

"neither are you," she says.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

people ask her all the time.

would you go back?

would _you_ do it again? because if you would do it again, would you say the same things? would the things you say differently give you a chance? would you want another chance?

taeyeon doesn't have answer. never really has answer. most of the time, she smiles sheepishly. more than often, she hates herself. bakes out her frustration. belts out the rest of them. everything has resurfaced; jessica, the odds and ends, and everything in between.

here's a secret though: 

the truth? she would go back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"what time is your flight in the morning?"

taeyeon blinks. all the food jessica brought is gone. the alarm clock on the nightstand has moved to four thirty. she feels guilty; jessica yawns.

"you really didn't have to come out," she says. stares at her bed. then looks back at jessica too. "i mean, i don't know what yuri or tiffany told you. probably something i don't want to know. but i can grab you a taxi and send you home. your mom probably -"

jessica cocks her head to side. "she'll be happy you ate her food." she bites her lip. "it's fine anyway. i have jet lag still."

"you just got here?"

"doesn't matter." jessica's a little quiet. but reaches forward to grab her hand. it's like her; it's abrupt. her fingers squeeze over her knuckles. she drags taeyeon to the bed. "i'm not going to say let's talk."

"you don't want to?" taeyeon croaks. her nerves are surfacing again. she feels her head spin a little.

"do _you_?"

there is a car horn going off outside her window. it's faint. but she can pick it out. in the hallway, someone stirs. she doesn't tell jessica what time her flight is. doesn't feel compelled to. but she smells a trap. her own trap.

"i don't know." taeyeon looks away. slowly, she sinks onto the bed. jessica doesn't let go of her hand. "what is there to say?"

"i'm asking you," jessica says.

for a moment, taeyeon just sits there. like actually just sits there. not compelled to do anything. words feel a little empty. maybe more than empty right now. sleep isn't coming either. there is pressure in her head. against her eyes. and the room seems small and tight. probably, on some level, it's a little too late for any of this too.

but she still turns to look at jessica. smiles softly. definitely awkwardly. reaches out and touches her face. thinks she might say something like sorry for being a disappointment because that seems like the best thing to do. to end this as fast as she possibly can.

then she kisses her.

cue the panic. but panic manifests in her fingers in jessica's hair. how they're suddenly there. how she's dragging them through the strands. she hasn't slept. at least, she tells herself. jessica's mouth is sweet. maybe hot and wet. you are not confessing, she thinks. and then stops thinking all together.

really, it's like this: the knots in her stomach churn and turn into taeyeon pull jessica back into her bed. to jessica laughing into her mouth. to one of them actually saying out loud, "this is a mistake." but the kissing doesn't stop. it doesn't stop because taeyeon arches her hips. straight into jessica and her hips. because jessica rolls her tongue into her mouth. presses it back into hers and everything inside of taeyeon feels like it's falling apart.

they are clumsy. because they haven't around each other again. and taeyeon is thinking about all the times she thought about this. where do _my_ hands go? how does jessica like _this_? but she is still kissing her.

jessica fits into her too. her leg curls around taeyeon's leg. just as taeyeon slips her thigh between jessica's legs. presses her knee into her thighs and moans into another kiss when jessica arches. too fast, too soon. jessica pulls at her hair and taeyeon groans. slips her tongue back into her mouth and laps away at the rest of the kiss because that is the only thing she can do.

she kisses like she is angry. she kisses like she's sad. terrified too. she kisses until her lips dry and jessica pulls at her hair hard. because they have to breathe. taeyeon jerks back first. the pillows are at their sides. skewed. taeyeon finds her foot under the blanket.

"that's not talking," jessica murmurs. her eyes closed. 

"i know." taeyeon watches jessica's eyes flutter. her mouth trembles too. she's flushed and taeyeon finds her the prettiest she's ever seen. "i know," she says again. and hates herself for it.

jessica presses a finger to taeyeon's nose. "i should go."

"no," taeyeon says. then panics. her mind walks her back into reality. the grip her fingers have on jessica's wrist is tight. "i mean -" she clears her throat. "it's late. or early. i leave later tonight."

taeyeon can't ask the real question.

jessica shakes her head. she's smiling. she pushes herself to sit up. her hair folds over to one side.

"i don't think so," she says. answers for her instead. reaches forward and tucks taeyeon's hair behind her ear.

there is nothing more than that. taeyeon watches as jessica untangles herself from her. touches her mouth. smiles to herself. then gathers all the plastic containers back into a bag. it's then that she realize jessica has a coat. that she looks tired. that the leather jacket she's brought with her might have been a signal that she wasn't going to stay.

after all, this might have been it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

in los angeles, taeyeon stops at a vintage bookstore.

gets tired of watching tiffany and yuri holding hands. because it's a lot. all at once too. the bookstore is cute though. she thinks about getting her brother a present. it's a thing. but there's no plan and buying a book is such a personal thing. she just remembers he's weird about it.

the bookstore is still quiet though. taeyeon smiles tightly at a man at the register. it smells like smoke. pipe smoke, she thinks. there's also a postcard rack by the door. seems a little misplaced. she searches the racks. sees pictures of flowers. of neon signs and los angeles cityscapes. she finds san diego. she finds napa valley. she finds one, small card in the back though. torn at the edges. screaming _san francisco!_ because it is just her luck.

it must be the look on her face. the man at the counter slides her money back into her hand.

"you know what?" he says. "it's on the house."

the postcard slides into her purse. maybe forgotten already.

it's not for sending.


End file.
